Something Good

I find myself in a place of frustration. August...it wasn't a good month. I mean, there were some higlights, but the overall feeling August left me with wasn't great.

I feel like I shouldn't be complaining. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, and I do remember that a lot. In fact, I have plenty of guilt to go around for feeling the way I do. But I feel like I've been through a whole lot of "almost...but not quite" situations lately. I get taken to the edge of optimism...and then just left there to turn around and go back. I spent my whole summer waiting...having faith when the waiting got hard...having faith in a greater plan than mine...and then nothing. No go.

I carry a lot of resentment toward people who live lives of indifference and yet have good things come to them in spades. People who don't give a hoot about others, or about living a moral life. And it seems that everything they want just falls into their laps, no complications, no worries.

Now, I can also probably predict all the bible verses that you might apply to my situation: the rich man and Lazarus, the camel/eye of the needle, et al. And I do know that the road of living a good life isn't always an easy one. I also believe that when you are indifferent to God, satan has as much capability of providing blessings as He does. After all, satan wants to keep you that way, right? Good things can happen to you when you have no faith! You don't need morals to have everything your heart desires!

I get it, I do.

And that's not the life I want, for me or for my family. I will take God's grace and love over worldly wealth any day. And as hard as it is sometimes, I know God's plan is better for me than my own. But does it follow that it's not OK to need something good to happen? Because that's where I am today. I just need something good.