runner

there is a desire in me that i've always dimissed.

i have always, secretly, ardently wished to be a runner.

to be able to take off and run, to have that stamina, that endurance.

as a person who worries way too much for my own good,

there is always a part of me that longs to let go.

to be free from the worry.

sitting still usually only makes it worse.

running just seems so...freeing.

just putting on a pair of shoes and going. just going out and running.

and while i have only just begun, i still have to say that

i do feel free. liberated from the everyday,

and most amazingly...very much at peace.

all i have to think about is the next step, taking my next deep breath.

and i think to myself...what if i could do this all the time?

what if i could really be a runner?

but there is a part of me that is lazy as the day is long.

and another part that is a bit defeatist.

and they told me...

running is for other people. you could never be a runner.

but you know what?

i can.

it might take a while, i'll have to work up to it.

but i can.

"people begin running for any number of motives,

but we stick to it for one basic reason...

to find out who we really are."

- George Sheehan

Graham Crackers and Milk...This One's For You, Pop-Pop!

Graham crackers and milk always makes me think of my dad. I couldn't wait to share it with my little miss.

As you can see, it's one of her very favorite things to do! Hi, Pop-Pop!

Update On Our Little Miss

This kid just seems to be growing before my very eyes. I constantly look at her and think, "Holy cow! When did she get so big?!" (possibly followed by a tear or two as I mourn the loss of her babyhood)

Her thigh rolls are getting smaller every day, and the baby chub is slowly disappearing. She's a super-confident walker now, and she "dances" too! SPOILER ALERT: She just stomps her feet really fast. And it's kinda clumsy. But it's so adorable. She's got moves only a mother could love. :)

She's babbling all the time, and can say almost 20 words. Granted, they're mostly the first syllables of words (Ba = Ball, Meh = Milk, etc), but uses them correctly and voluntarily, and her language comprehension is right on track. Her newest word is Door. She applies it to everything that opens and closes. Not always accurate for say, a drawer, or the cover of a book, but she's got the concept down.

Stats:

Weight: 22 lbs, give or take an ounce or two

Height: 29 1/2 inches

I feel fortunate that she's not a picky eater...yet. I'm told it's right around the corner.

We're learning about body parts, and she correctly identifies eyes, hair, nose, hands, and feet. Not always on herself, but always on me or her Daddy.

She's so happy. I love that so much. She has such a joyful spirit, and she's confident and sure of herself in most situations.

I feel so lucky to be able to spend my days with her.

Maybe this time

Maybe this time will be the time I follow through and finish this thing.

Today, I started Couch-to-5K. It's roughly 9 weeks of intervals of running mixed with walking. You begin with shorter intervals or running mixed with longer intervals of walking and gradually work up to running a full 3 miles with no walking.

I don't have a great track record of sticking with programs. I usually get to the point when I begin to see progress and then get confortable and less strict about the routine until I stop altogether.

But there has to be a time for me when I do this. There has to be a time when I don't give up.

Maybe this time.

Workout #1 out of 27: complete.

In the most unlikely places

Read on a friend's page on Facebook today:

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

I guess all I can say is that this comforted my heart today. I love finding little encouragements like that in surprising places.

Something Good

I find myself in a place of frustration. August...it wasn't a good month. I mean, there were some higlights, but the overall feeling August left me with wasn't great.

I feel like I shouldn't be complaining. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, and I do remember that a lot. In fact, I have plenty of guilt to go around for feeling the way I do. But I feel like I've been through a whole lot of "almost...but not quite" situations lately. I get taken to the edge of optimism...and then just left there to turn around and go back. I spent my whole summer waiting...having faith when the waiting got hard...having faith in a greater plan than mine...and then nothing. No go.

I carry a lot of resentment toward people who live lives of indifference and yet have good things come to them in spades. People who don't give a hoot about others, or about living a moral life. And it seems that everything they want just falls into their laps, no complications, no worries.

Now, I can also probably predict all the bible verses that you might apply to my situation: the rich man and Lazarus, the camel/eye of the needle, et al. And I do know that the road of living a good life isn't always an easy one. I also believe that when you are indifferent to God, satan has as much capability of providing blessings as He does. After all, satan wants to keep you that way, right? Good things can happen to you when you have no faith! You don't need morals to have everything your heart desires!

I get it, I do.

And that's not the life I want, for me or for my family. I will take God's grace and love over worldly wealth any day. And as hard as it is sometimes, I know God's plan is better for me than my own. But does it follow that it's not OK to need something good to happen? Because that's where I am today. I just need something good.

Ocean

One of the things I love best about my daughter is that she's no wuss. She charges into things without hesitation, and recovers quickly and without a fuss if things don't go quite right.

We took her to the ocean for the first time in March, when it was still too cold to swim. She loved having her feet in the waves, but that was the extent of the experience for her 7-month-old self.

We took the easy day trip to Charleston again when we visited my family in August, to the same beach...because we loved it so much. This time, Memaw and Pop-Pop came along. And the ocean was warm and perfect for swimming.

Amy LOVES the water, but I was unsure of how she'd react to water that, you know...does stuff. She's all confidence and joy in the pool, but what would she do when she got a face full of wave?

So, it was just a joy to watch her walk straight on into the ocean. Waves coming at her? No biggie. Face full of salty water? Well, it didn't taste good, but it didn't dampen her spirits. She loved everything about the experience. She splashed, she kicked the waves, she ate sand. I think we adults were ready to go before she was.

I spend so much of my time being fearful of things, that sometimes it's a marvel to me to watch my kid be so fearless. I love that part of her, and I try and stand back to give her space to try these new things. And maybe learn a thing or two from her about experiencing life and just letting go...and letting God.

The things I wanted to say...

but couldn't.

Yesterday was one year since our little miss was baptized. I think from now on, that day will always be a little bittersweet to me, as I rejoice for the gift of having my grandfather baptize my daughter, but also mourn that he won't be here to do that for any more of our children.
So, while thinking of him yesterday, I also recalled the things that were going through my head a couple weeks ago.

I wanted to get up and say some things at the funeral vigil for my grandfather, but somebody (who shall remain nameless) was overtired to the nth degree and running around like a crazy person in the back of the church. So, here are the things I wanted to say to everyone there.

I met my grandfather when I was 8. But you would never have known that. There was never a second of my life that I doubted that he loved me as though I had been his granddaughter all my life. I often say how lucky I am that my dad found someone who loved me and David as though we were her own. It takes a special sort of person to be able to really and truly do that. But a whole family of people? That's a jackpot. I was honored that my grandfather could perform our marriage sacrament when George and I got married, and even more honored that he baptized Amy. Having him be such a special part of those big moments in our lives is something I will always cherish. But remembering, too, all the little moments I had with him growing up...that is something special. He embodied what is means to be Christ to others. And I wish I had told him what a difference that made to a little 8 year old...that he was my grandpa from the first.

7 Quick Takes - August Edition

What do i say about August. There was good, there was bad, and there was just plain sad. It would be too much to write a super-detailed post about, so I went with the quick takes stand-by.

1. I turned 28. I actually didn't remember it was my birthday until my hubby wished me happy birthday that morning. Then I had to think for a minute whether I was turning 27 or 28.

2. We drove 15 hours (each way) to visit my fam in SC. It was kind of sad, b/c we had been hoping to move there, so it was a bummer to be "just visiting". I didn't really want to leave.

3. While we were there, my grandpa, who had been fighting cancer for 4 months, entered hospice (in Phoenix, where he lived). Before we left, he was given 2-3 weeks. He passed away the day after we got back home.

4. I flew with Amy to Phoenix. I hate to fly, but it was important to my family for me to be there, and I wanted to be with everyone. It was exhausting flying with a toddler (especially when I am a nervous wreck of a flyer), but we did it, and I'm glad I was there.

5. We found out Amy is anemic. It's not serious, we're giving her vitamins with iron and they'll recheck her iron levels at her 15 month appt. Doc said it's very common, and the vites should take care of it. Just praying that it really is that simple.

6. I got to nanny for a couple days for one of the kiddos I used to nanny for daily. She's FIVE now. She was 20 months when I started. It was so much fun being able to see her (and her big brother - sadly only for a few minutes at the end of the day) again.

7. Amy's one year check-up was great!! She was 20lb, 12oz, and 29in. Back up in the 5oth percentile for height and weight. Her head is in the 75th, but she is, after all, her father's daughter. ;)

That's about it. Like I said, good, bad, and sad. But we're looking forward to cooler weather here. And hopefully seeing my brother up at ND in a few weeks.

GO IRISH! :)