runner

there is a desire in me that i've always dimissed.

i have always, secretly, ardently wished to be a runner.

to be able to take off and run, to have that stamina, that endurance.

as a person who worries way too much for my own good,

there is always a part of me that longs to let go.

to be free from the worry.

sitting still usually only makes it worse.

running just seems so...freeing.

just putting on a pair of shoes and going. just going out and running.

and while i have only just begun, i still have to say that

i do feel free. liberated from the everyday,

and most amazingly...very much at peace.

all i have to think about is the next step, taking my next deep breath.

and i think to myself...what if i could do this all the time?

what if i could really be a runner?

but there is a part of me that is lazy as the day is long.

and another part that is a bit defeatist.

and they told me...

running is for other people. you could never be a runner.

but you know what?

i can.

it might take a while, i'll have to work up to it.

but i can.

"people begin running for any number of motives,

but we stick to it for one basic reason...

to find out who we really are."

- George Sheehan

Graham Crackers and Milk...This One's For You, Pop-Pop!

Graham crackers and milk always makes me think of my dad. I couldn't wait to share it with my little miss.

As you can see, it's one of her very favorite things to do! Hi, Pop-Pop!

Update On Our Little Miss

This kid just seems to be growing before my very eyes. I constantly look at her and think, "Holy cow! When did she get so big?!" (possibly followed by a tear or two as I mourn the loss of her babyhood)

Her thigh rolls are getting smaller every day, and the baby chub is slowly disappearing. She's a super-confident walker now, and she "dances" too! SPOILER ALERT: She just stomps her feet really fast. And it's kinda clumsy. But it's so adorable. She's got moves only a mother could love. :)

She's babbling all the time, and can say almost 20 words. Granted, they're mostly the first syllables of words (Ba = Ball, Meh = Milk, etc), but uses them correctly and voluntarily, and her language comprehension is right on track. Her newest word is Door. She applies it to everything that opens and closes. Not always accurate for say, a drawer, or the cover of a book, but she's got the concept down.

Stats:

Weight: 22 lbs, give or take an ounce or two

Height: 29 1/2 inches

I feel fortunate that she's not a picky eater...yet. I'm told it's right around the corner.

We're learning about body parts, and she correctly identifies eyes, hair, nose, hands, and feet. Not always on herself, but always on me or her Daddy.

She's so happy. I love that so much. She has such a joyful spirit, and she's confident and sure of herself in most situations.

I feel so lucky to be able to spend my days with her.

Maybe this time

Maybe this time will be the time I follow through and finish this thing.

Today, I started Couch-to-5K. It's roughly 9 weeks of intervals of running mixed with walking. You begin with shorter intervals or running mixed with longer intervals of walking and gradually work up to running a full 3 miles with no walking.

I don't have a great track record of sticking with programs. I usually get to the point when I begin to see progress and then get confortable and less strict about the routine until I stop altogether.

But there has to be a time for me when I do this. There has to be a time when I don't give up.

Maybe this time.

Workout #1 out of 27: complete.

In the most unlikely places

Read on a friend's page on Facebook today:

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

I guess all I can say is that this comforted my heart today. I love finding little encouragements like that in surprising places.

Something Good

I find myself in a place of frustration. August...it wasn't a good month. I mean, there were some higlights, but the overall feeling August left me with wasn't great.

I feel like I shouldn't be complaining. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, and I do remember that a lot. In fact, I have plenty of guilt to go around for feeling the way I do. But I feel like I've been through a whole lot of "almost...but not quite" situations lately. I get taken to the edge of optimism...and then just left there to turn around and go back. I spent my whole summer waiting...having faith when the waiting got hard...having faith in a greater plan than mine...and then nothing. No go.

I carry a lot of resentment toward people who live lives of indifference and yet have good things come to them in spades. People who don't give a hoot about others, or about living a moral life. And it seems that everything they want just falls into their laps, no complications, no worries.

Now, I can also probably predict all the bible verses that you might apply to my situation: the rich man and Lazarus, the camel/eye of the needle, et al. And I do know that the road of living a good life isn't always an easy one. I also believe that when you are indifferent to God, satan has as much capability of providing blessings as He does. After all, satan wants to keep you that way, right? Good things can happen to you when you have no faith! You don't need morals to have everything your heart desires!

I get it, I do.

And that's not the life I want, for me or for my family. I will take God's grace and love over worldly wealth any day. And as hard as it is sometimes, I know God's plan is better for me than my own. But does it follow that it's not OK to need something good to happen? Because that's where I am today. I just need something good.

Ocean

One of the things I love best about my daughter is that she's no wuss. She charges into things without hesitation, and recovers quickly and without a fuss if things don't go quite right.

We took her to the ocean for the first time in March, when it was still too cold to swim. She loved having her feet in the waves, but that was the extent of the experience for her 7-month-old self.

We took the easy day trip to Charleston again when we visited my family in August, to the same beach...because we loved it so much. This time, Memaw and Pop-Pop came along. And the ocean was warm and perfect for swimming.

Amy LOVES the water, but I was unsure of how she'd react to water that, you know...does stuff. She's all confidence and joy in the pool, but what would she do when she got a face full of wave?

So, it was just a joy to watch her walk straight on into the ocean. Waves coming at her? No biggie. Face full of salty water? Well, it didn't taste good, but it didn't dampen her spirits. She loved everything about the experience. She splashed, she kicked the waves, she ate sand. I think we adults were ready to go before she was.

I spend so much of my time being fearful of things, that sometimes it's a marvel to me to watch my kid be so fearless. I love that part of her, and I try and stand back to give her space to try these new things. And maybe learn a thing or two from her about experiencing life and just letting go...and letting God.