What Women Want

As I was listening to Dave Ramsey's radio broadcast yesterday, a gentleman called in asking Dave's advice on what to do now that his wife of 30 years wanted a divorce. He was a former police officer, and had been disabled for 8 years. As Dave is wont to do, he asked why the man's wife wanted a divorce after all that time. He always asks that, because he is a big believer in keeping a marriage together if at all possible. And he always recommends counseling with a pastor or priest, etc. But then...oh, then.

The man proceeded to tell Dave that he had been completely blindsided and loved his wife very much, and that he didn't understand why she wanted to leave him...he was audibly in tears and obviously devastated. I was a little teary myself. Listening to him tell the reasons his wife had listed for her wanting to leave, what I heard was that this woman had been miserable. She had clearly been unhappy for some time. But he had had no. idea.

Now, in this day in age, most people would probably fault the husband here. He didn't do enough to make his wife happy, he didn't consider her needs, yadda yadda. But let me tell you what hit me the hardest. He told his wife that he loved her, that he was in love with her. And she said she just couldn't do it anymore. So I don't think this husband withheld anything from his wife that she needed. His grief was so raw, it was very clear that this was a man who loved his wife, who wanted her happiness. At one point he said "I would have quit that job if I had known she hated it! I would have quit!"

His wife withheld what she was feeling, because that's what so many of us women tend to do, isn't it? We bottle it up and stew about it, waiting for our husbands to read our minds about what we want from them, be it help with children or around the house, emotional needs, or even the things that are bothering us about our relationship. Where does it get us?

And it made me think for a long time after I turned the radio off about the times that I do that. The times I get so. angry. waiting for my husband to realize that I'm angry. But you know, he has no idea. And that man had no idea. And I would bet a hefty sum that she never told him. She just let it boil up until she couldn't carry around that anger anymore. And then she felt like her only option was to leave.

After a couple of minutes, it was clear that this man was losing it. He called a financial advisor but what he really needed was someone to talk to. He had it all built up, and the floodgates opened when Dave asked him why she left. Wisely, Dave put him on hold to set him up with a pastor in his area who could help. But man oh man, it was one of the saddest things I've heard in a long time.

So, if there's something on your heart that's bothering you, share it with your husband. Tell him if you're angry with him. Tell him if you need his help with something. Because if that call was any indication, he has no idea you need it unless you ask. And thirty years is way too long to wait for him to figure it out.