Here comes the sun!

With such a mild winter, we've had so many opportunities to get outside! Playing in the pool on the deck, blowing bubbles in the yard, or venturing to the park...it's been so glorious not to have so many months of cold, dreary weather as usual. 

Back in March, I decided I needed a change in my schedule. With three kids all day long, we were limited to our yard or a walk when it came to getting out of the house. I bid farewell to S, the little dude I had been watching since September, and started caring for a 13-month-old, M. He only comes in the afternoons, 3-4 days per week. It's been a welcome change. Amy, Max, and I can plan fun outings, get errands done, and begin our days in a more relaxed fashion. They get more focused time from me, and we get out of the house nearly every day. I'm so thankful that M's family appeared when they did. I was able to overlap and not have any lag time between kiddos, so my income stayed steady, too. 

Managing a baby in our backyard has been a challenge. We have a deck, a lower multi-level cement patio, and then the yard. Amy is so independent at almost three, so she has the confidence to go back and forth, and poor Max just wants to follow. I'd bring a pack 'n' play outside, but he would just scream his little head off at being left out of the action, so for now we're making good use of the carriers. 

I'm looking forward to cookouts, having cousins over to play in the pool and sprinklers, and Max walking so he can spend a little more time in the yard!

I hope you are all enjoying the spring weather where you are!

loving the warm weather!

hugs from my girl!

cheeeese!

The Lesson

Yesterday was a tough day. Max is cutting his two front teeth, and if you know anything at all about Max, you know that it is and will continue to be a tough process. He's very, let's say, vocal about discomfort and displeasure. Sometimes we chuckle, and sometimes it makes us want to pull our hair out. Yesterday, it was the latter.

I shared my frustration in a couple of tongue-in-cheek posts on Facebook, and this morning in my inbox I had a message from a kind friend, reminding me of where my head and heart should be, especially in the midst of days like yesterday. You see, he saw through my attempts at humor to the true nature of what I was expressing. Which was, essentially, selfishness with a hefty helping of impatience. Now, I want to clarify that while I believe he saw that in me yesterday, I know he wasn't judging it. He chose to encourage me, because he's been there. He has young children of his own. He's been through this, too. But he's also a tremendous example of what Christian brotherhood should be. We should be lovingly correcting each other (just as the Apostles corrected and instructed the new Christians!), reminding each other of what's truly important. And I thank him whole-heartedly for that. 

It led me to further reflection today about the parallels between my son's suffering and frustration and our own in relation to God. 

Helplessness. There is nothing I can do to ease the pain of teething for my son, with the possible exception of some Tylenol here and there. I can't stop the teething process, I can't stop the runny nose, or his misery. Whether we like it or not, those teeth are going to push through, with all the accompanying discomfort. And it won't be over until the purpose has been accomplished - in his case, shiny new teeth. 

It's much the same way with our suffering here on earth. God cannot always take our suffering away. We merited it through original sin. It's part and parcel of our existence. It's going to happen whether we like it or not. And it won't be done until the purpose has been accomplished - usually, to bring about a greater union with God. 

Comfort.  I can't recall the number of times yesterday that I tried to rock Max, soothe him by singing or shushing, or just talk to him, hoping he would stop screaming and hear my voice. But he screamed over me, and it was only when he had exhausted himself that he would suddenly look at me, as though he had forgotten - in the midst of his misery - that I was even there. 

I wondered this morning, how many times to we do that? How many times do we scream, or yell, or curse, or grow impatient, or wallow in anger or misery, instead of hearing God trying to comfort us? Isn't He there, just as I was with Max, trying to be heard over our complaints? Isn't He trying to console us, even when He can't remove the suffering entirely? He wants, just as I did, to be able to show us his His love for us, hoping that we will accept it as consolation and comfort. How often do we drown him out? 

Selfishness.  I spent most of the day yesterday consumed with how Max's teething was affecting me. I focused on the exhaustion I felt, the frustration I felt, the imposition on my time and energy. Looking back this morning with new eyes, I stand ashamed, embarrassed at how much compassion I lacked for my own child. 

Aren't we lucky that God has none of our human failings? Aren't we lucky that His mercy and love are inexhaustible? For as much as I felt shame and embarrassment, I also felt such love and forgiveness surrounding me as I came to the realization of just what yesterday's purpose was. God wanted to teach me more about suffering, to show me an example of the way I was suffering - namely, that I wasn't doing it very well! He showed me a clear picture of the way I have handled myself for the last three months. I've done everything but stop and listen. Anger, impatience, frustration, even spite. And yet, through it all, He waited patiently until I suddenly remembered He was there the whole time. He waited until I could be quiet enough to hear His voice. 

And I'm so glad He did. 

Happy New Year!

Well, hi there!

2012. Wow. Another year has flown by, and it's time for those resolutions we hear so much about!

I don't usually make them...they're a lot like what Mary Poppins calls "pie crust promises", easily made, easily broken.

So this year, I thought about what I wanted this year to look like. I want to keep a better record of my kids lives. A lot of moms make blog books at the end of every year, a kind of scrapbook to document their kids' milestones and remember the everyday that can so easily be forgotten. So that's resolution #1:

Blog once a week. I know, I know...we're already in the second week of the year. Better late than never!

I've been thinking a lot about the way I live my life. What it revolves around, whether I'm really living my vocation well, whether or not I'm putting too many things before God. I came to a few conclusions: I don't pray enough. I spend a lot more time complaining about my children than I do being grateful for them. I put my husband last, so he almost always gets me at my worst, and I don't make any effort to give him my best.

I think all of these things can be wrapped into one resolution:

Put God first.

When I do that, I remember to pray without ceasing. I remember to see the things about my children that are wonderful. I remember to treat my spouse as the gift that he is.

So, those are my resolutions. With any luck, I'll remember to do this again next week. Would it be totally pathetic if I had to write it on a calendar to remember? Whatever it takes, I guess! Happy New Year!