4 Weeks

I can't believe it's been almost a month since Max was born! While there have definitely been those sleepless moments when time seems to go slowly, for the most part it's sped by.

Amy is still doing great with Max, and is always near him, talking to him and loving on him. It's definitely my favorite part of being the mom of two.

Max has been a little challenging for me because he wants to be held so much and didn't nap very well during the day. We've been struggling to solve his issues with gas (related to breastfeeding - forceful letdown that causes him to gulp a lot of air, and a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance), and he definitely has the whole "witching hour" fussies.

But he started intentional smiles in his third week (and only does it for me! lol)...weeks before Amy's first smiles. He really loves to see everything, and is always trying to hold up his head to look around. We found a solution to his daytime naps (the bouncer in the picture, paired with the Miracle Blanket), and he loves bathtime.

We adore him more every day, and can't imagine our lives without him.

Growing pains

I've been saying a lot of prayers lately that I will remember the sacrificial nature of motherhood. While initially it's tempting to ask for things to be easier, I try and ask to be mindful of my children and that they are gifts given to us, and not burdens. In the day-to-day, it's easy for me to get too wrapped up in the lack of sleep, lack of routine, and the new challenges of two vs. one. I end up in a place where I start resenting my role as mother and caregiver...something I chose and wholeheartedly know to be my vocation.

But I've been reminded during those times of prayer that just because this is my vocation doesn't mean it's the easiest road. It's the road with the most grace, yes. It's the road with the most rewarding moments imaginable. And it's the road with the most challenges, but challenges that were designed to help me get to Heaven.

So I'm learning - much more with two than I did with one - to pray more. I'm learning to rely more on grace, and to ask for it. I'm learning to recognize opportunities to improve and grow as a mother, and as a child of God. And I'm learning to be thankful for these two precious gifts, even (and especially) in the most challenging moments of my day.

Amy and Max

I admit I was apprehensive about how Amy would adapt to Max once he arrived. We talked about baby Max for months, and I think we prepared her pretty well for the eventuality that Max would be part of our lives outside of Mommy's tummy. But you just never know how a toddler is going to react to such a big change.

I shouldn't have worried. Amy adores Max. She's a typical toddler, never quite aware of what each of her limbs is doing at any given moment, but we can see the effort she makes to be so gentle when she approaches her brother. She adopted that "parentese" way of speaking to him from the first, and she loves to be close to him and hold him. It just makes my heart soar when I see her face when she's looking at him. Yesterday, she proclaimed to Daddy "I love him!", at which point I about melted into a puddle from the sweetness.

I know that in no time at all she'll be bossing him around, but I hope that she stays just as loving and gentle with him for a long time to come.

Max's Birth Story

My labor with Max started with 3 days of early labor. On Thursday the 21st, I started with light contractions about every 8 minutes. I noticed them and they showed up on my non-stress test in the doc's office, but I didn't really have to concentrate through them at that point. Overnight into Friday, they got more intense and frequent, but would taper off when I took a bath...which was an indication that things were not yet underway. All day Friday, they continued at a little higher intensity than they were on Thursday. I went to the chiropractor, and to the play gym with my mom and Amy. Overnight into Saturday the scenario of the previous night played out again. I really wasn't getting a whole lot of sleep, since the contractions would amp up during the night. Saturday, I started having to concentrate through a few, but toward the evening they started spacing back out.

Saturday evening, I talked to my doula, Kay, who was just getting back into town from a conference in Atlanta. She told me to remember that every woman is different, and active labor might not be the textbook 4-1-1 (4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, for at least 1 hour) for every woman.

Around 10pm Saturday night, the contractions were getting and staying stronger, after they had lagged and faded somewhat through the afternoon. They were still about 10-12 minutes apart though, so I didn't think much of it. I had a late snack and tried to go to bed. Around midnight, I had to wake George up to start counterpressure on my back during the contractions. They trucked along at 5 minutes apart for about 50 minutes, and then spaced back out to 10 minutes. I was really annoyed by that, because I had started thinking we were finally getting somewhere! So we decided to try and get some more sleep. I woke up to every contraction for the next couple hours, and finally around 3:30 they were getting so intense I had to get up and sit on the birth ball with George applying counterpressure again. Once again, we trucked along at 4 minutes apart for 50 minutes, and then they spaced back out again. This time, though, they were 10 minutes apart but the strongest I had had so far. I decided to call Kay and see what she thought. She reminded me again that it's different for everyone, and asked what my gut was telling me. I said I thought it was time to go to the hospital. So that's what we set out to do.

At this point I was starting to feel very nauseous and got sick before we left.

We arrived at the hospital around 5:30, and when they checked me I was relieved to hear that I was 6.5 cm dilated! That was huge for me, since I never made it past 4cm with Amy.



Once at the hospital with Kay and George, we walked, I used the tub, and I got doses of antibiotics since I was Group B strep positive. God provided the best of nurses for me, Heather, who had just finished studying to be a midwife. This was a huge blessing, because not many other nurses would have been so patient over the next several hours. Labor kept intensifying, my water broke in the early afternoon, and for a long time I didn't dilate any further, even though my body was changing in other ways. My cervix was moving from posterior to anterior, I was effacing, and Max was moving down. I'm so thankful I had Kay there to explain to me that dilation isn't the only progress to be made. It was fairly discouraging to hear 7cm after several hours, and I was starting to block myself mentally from getting any further. Kay and George encouraged me to stay upright, which was really tough because the contractions were ridiculously painful that way, and I would sometimes have as many as 6 in a row with almost no break in between. Finally, after about 45 minutes of vertical positions, I couldn't take it anymore, and asked for an epidural. It was hard for me to go that route, because I desperately wanted a natural childbirth, but after almost 4 days of contractions and 20 hours of active labor, I was more exhausted than I had ever been.

Heather checked me before the epidural, and I had made it to 8cm! I was relieved that all those awful contractions during the previous hour had done something!

Once the epidural was in place, I could finally get a little rest. And it only took another 30 minutes for me to be complete (10 cm)! Kay and I discussed it later, and she said she was glad I got the epidural. She suspected that a lot of my emotional and mental blocks from Amy's labor were slowing things down, and that once my body (and my mind!) could relax, everything could move along more quickly.

Heather wanted me to labor down (where they have me sit upright to help the baby come down even further) before trying to push. So we did that for a while, and then the nursing shift changed, and my new nurse wanted me to start pushing. I was having "hot spots" of pain through the epidural, and I could definitely feel pain in my belly while pushing, but fortunately none below that. I felt like it hurt everywhere in between pushes. It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever physically done.

After almost 2 hours of pushing, my doctor delivered Max at 9:24pm. He told me later he was impressed and glad that I had managed the VBAC, and I thanked him for being so willing to wait so much longer than usual for Max to come on his own.

God provided us with so many graces along this road, not the least of which was finding the right doula in Kay (and that Max waited until she was back in town to be born!!). We would not have had the confidence to get through all those hours without her, and she and George made the perfect team. I really owe this VBAC to her. :)

Heather was another grace. She was willing to let me go on intermittent monitoring, which they don't like to do with VBACs, and I knew she wanted that VBAC for us as badly as we did. When I saw her the next day, I thanked her profusely, and she gave me a huge hug and said how badly she had wanted to be there when Max was born, but that she was so excited for us that we had been able to have the VBAC.

This recovery has been a totally different experience. I felt so free and relaxed even the next morning after Max was born. I am SO thankful that God allowed us to have this experience. Even though I didn't manage a natural childbirth, there isn't anything I regret or question about Max's birth. It was just what I hoped for.