Giving Thanks

This time last year, we were in South Carolina with my family, and I was just pregnant with our Amy. I look back and I feel so amazed at how our lives have changed over the course of one year, and how much God has directed and provided for our little family.

When I lost my job last October, we knew it would be tough. But I've learned a big lesson in doing what we can to be good stewards of our income. And God has always provided a means to extra income, seemingly just when we needed it, be it extra subbing this summer or nannying for Will and Piper over spring break.

He brought us through obstacles in the pregnancy, and now we have our beautiful Amy. And despite a difficult labor, and a c-section to recover from, God provided the means to avoid a second surgery through the c-section. So, I'm grateful for all He has brought us through this year. I'm grateful my family could be with us for Amy's baptism, and for George's family being here, always willing to lend us a hand should we need it. I'm grateful for George's job, in a not-so-secure economy. I'm especially grateful that I get to be with my Amy every day, and that I'm with her for all of her "firsts". I'm grateful for the spit-up, and the hair-pulling, and the frustrating days. I'm grateful for the man I get to walk through life with, and for a God who is in control, even when I feel like I can't get a hold on things.

There is truly much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving.

To cloth diaper or not to cloth diaper?

Or...to CD or not to CD?

Yes, folks, there is a whole mommy-blogging, abbreviation-using, diaper-swapping (Yes! Really!) community of CD-ing moms out there. And I feel that if "unfriend" is now officially the Word of the Year (my God, it's a new societal low), then I should certainly at least attempt to use abbreviations, for pete's sake. And then I realized just how out of the loop I am when it comes to this whole Internet thing. Abbreviations are only the beginning.

So, in my attempts to sort out the plethora of options from FB to BG to RB (for those of us who use full words in our everyday vocabulary, that would be FuzziBunz, bumGenius, and Renegade Baby, respectively) I have come to a place where I am by turns amused, overwhelmed, and excited. Yes, that right. Excited. So Very Excited. Soakers and Prefolds and Inserts, Oh My.

This isn't exactly a place I ever pictured myself, sitting in front of my computer with umpteen tabs open in 5 different windows trying to sort out what could/might/won't work for us. I don't like laundry. I do basic things to save energy/the Earth, but I don't get super crazy about it. My main motivation is $$$. Cash. Moolah. Green. As a SAHM (yes, another! translation: stay at home mom)and a Dave Ramsey-er, I keep a tight reign on every penny that passes through our hands. And having only one income is definitely a challenge. So when I see $40 per month flying out the door, I get understandably anxious. The last time I purchased diapers, I began doing math in my head. Not only is this a Pastime In Which Emily Should Not Indulge Due To Her Poor Math Skillz, but it also left me with a Bad Feeling. A feeling of multiple children in Pampers = Do we eat this month? followed closely by We will never be debt free at this rate.

So, I calculated the initial investment...which if I choose more economical cloth diapers (like most things, there is a high and a low end) is not actually as much as I thought it could be. But, as I've said before, I like to know as much as I can about things. So it was on to the reviews. Of course, there are many stellar reviews for top of the line cloth diapering systems. But there are also wonderful reviews for two of the options I am considering.

bumGenius, which lies somewhere between middle-of-the-road and high-end has recently developed both a moderate and a super-economy line. I didn't find much to be thrilled about with Econobum, the lower of the two. But Flip piqued my interest. Flip is a One Size (OS) diaper system with a waterproof cover and microfiber one size inserts. Basically, a series of snaps takes the diaper through the growth of the child, and there are seams sewn into the inserts to fold them down to right length based on the size you have set the diaper. I knew I liked snaps (word is they last much longer than velcro), and these were apparently much more durable than the Econobum snap covers. I'm still on the fence about prefolds vs. inserts. I'm going to try both, as they each apparently have their merits and downfalls. But luckily, with almost all diaper systems, they are interchangeable. So, we will purchase one Flip and give it a trial run.

My second option is gDiapers. These are velcro and not a one size system, so I would have to purchase more covers as she grows (fortunately she'd already be in the M size - 14-28 lbs and still have quite a ways to go before moving to L), but they are cheaper than most other systems that are sized. They were designed to use flushable inserts, but those cost as much if not slightly more than disposables. Several users simply use prefolds or inserts and report that they work just as well, if not better. (gDiapers do make gCloth inserts, but those are much pricier than your standard prefolds, which is what they are anyway). These diapers have a soft cotton/poly cover, and a snap-in waterproof liner. Which I like. Fewer covers + more extremely affordable snap-ins = a happy budget. I will purchase one gDiaper as well.

So. There. Additionally I need a set of prefolds and a set of inserts for my trial run, both of which are affordable. My hunch is that I'll end up liking both for different reasons, and go with a combination of the two (apparently quite common amongst CD-ing moms no matter which systems they're using). Which would work out great, considering I'll have already purchased almost half of what I would need in total. I'm going to stick with disposable wipes for the time being, but may switch over to cloth if I decide that CDs are all I'll use from now on.

So, while we have another month or so until the trial run begins, after a tremendous amount of research, this is my plan. If the trial run goes well, then I am committing to at least 4 months of CD-ing, or the amount of time it would take to purchase diapers equal to the investment. Whether I like it or not. And while I don't like laundry, I like saving money a whole lot more.

Amy's birth story OR Things That Do Not Go Your Way

Nothing ever seems to go the way we plan...

I am a planner. I like to know everything I can about, well, everything. I keep lists. Lots of 'em. I like to be prepared for any possibility. But I was not prepared for the way I gave birth.

I researched. I planned, all the while keeping the thought in the back of my head that I had to be flexible. Things are different for every woman, and situations you don't expect can arise. I like to think I maintained that flexibility. Granted, when I needed the flexibility, I didn't stubbornly fight the situation, but there was significant disappointment and frustration.

There is a school of thought that believes that every woman can give birth naturally, given enough time. I personally don't agree. If that were the case, women and infants would not have been dying in childbirth for thousands of years. I don't believe it would have been the case for me.

On the day after my due date, July 29th, George was mowing the lawn and my mom and I had just finished painting a small sample of paint on the walls in the baby's room. A friend of hers (who is, of all things, a nurse) called, and while she talked I used the restroom for the hundredth time that day. I realized very quickly that something was different. At first I thought I was still peeing...because when you're pregnant - let's face it - that's sometimes the case. But I quickly realized that it probably wasn't the case. I told my mom (still on the phone) that I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. She mentioned it to her friend, Debbie, who asked to speak to me. I explained to her what I was experiencing, and she agreed it was likely. So, a phone call to the OB was next on the list. He agreed, and asked me to come in to verify that my water had broken.

Now, my water didn't break in one big gush. It began - and continued for the next 24 hours- to leak slowly. That was one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have ever experienced.

My mom and George got everything together that we needed, and after a call to my in-laws to have them take care of Vera, we were on our way to the hospital. Along the way, I can remember my mom and George asking me several times whether I was having any contractions. The answer was always no. We got to the hospital, and after being checked, was told that my water had broken, and that I was still 1cm, 50% effaced, and -1/-2. Later on, I realized that they really almost exaggerated a little bit, because the lack of progress became very discouraging.

I told George he should try and sleep, since it might be a long night, and my mom walked the halls with me. We walked like crazy. I had decided I wanted to try and labor naturally, and I knew movement would be best. In combination (later on), I would use some Bradley-type relaxation and breathing.

Three hours later, while the other measurments stayed the same, I had dilated to 4 cm. At that point I was optimistic! I thought that if I was actually progressing at 1 cm/hour, that it might actually be an average length labor. But that's where everything changed.

An hour later, still 4cm. Two hours after that, 4 cm. And two hours after that...4 cm. At that point it was 4:00 am (July 30th), and it had been 10 hours since my water broke. The nurse had started talking about Pitocin around 2 am, but I wanted to wait and see...I knew I wouldn't be able to move around as much, and I wanted to be able to keep moving. I really wasn't having any recognizable contraction pattern, and to be truthful was barely having contractions. So at 4:00 I went on Pitocin. According to my mom, they turned that sucker up. I definitely felt much stronger contractions, but I was still doing fine naturally, and around 7:00 am I saw my OB. Still 4 cm. He decided to let me go a while longer, and hope the Pitocin would do it's job. He also decided to put in a internal pressure catheter...which is just as much fun as it sounds, and was absolutely the worst pain I have ever experienced, I think in part because generally they try in put it in when you're not having a contraction, but it so happened that I did right in the middle. Of course.

Meanwhile, the next 5 hours or so were probably the worst part of the labor for me. I was frustrated, tired, and uncomfortable (hello internal pressure catheter). I was fortunately able to get out of bed and move into different positions...as far as the leads from the monitors would let me, which was probably about 4 or 5 feet. I did a lot of relaxation/breathing as well, and lots of sitting on the birthing ball and rocking chair. It was so frustrating having to be hooked up to the machines and so limited. I read that some women want to be still and relax in response to birth, and some women want to move around and be active...I was the latter - it was just my personal instinct.

My OB came by again around 1pm. My nurse Kerry (the best labor nurse on earth) warned me that he would probably talk about the possibility of a c-section, since I was still at 4 cm, and was neither dilating or effacing, and Amy just wasn't descending into the birth canal. He did mention it, and we discussed the possibility of waiting longer since Amy was tolerating the labor really well. That was the one part of the labor that seemed to go right...she did beautifully, and didn't give us a moment's worry. But he asked me if we wanted to wait until she wasn't tolerating it well, until she showed signs of stress, and we didn't. So, he said I could go off the Pitocin, and just relax (HA!) until it was my turn to go to the OR.

I cried, and my mom and George held my hands and reassured me, but a big part of me was really disappointed. Even though I knew I hadn't I still felt like I had failed. When I look back on it now, I did everything I had in my power to do to avoid a c-section...I moved, I never had an epidural, and I really was quite relaxed in labor. I wasn't scared or nervous. I think it just wasn't in the cards. Once the Pitocin stopped, I essentially stopped contracting. It was like my body just wasn't going to do it on it's own.

The wait for the c-section was horrific for me. I was terrified of surgery, and even more terrified of a spinal. We had to wait several hours for a couple of planned c-sections and a couple of emergency ones. I fell into neither category. To add insult to injury, my IV hadn't been placed properly to begin with, and they had to do it again. Unfortunately, I had been given so much fluid over the previous 24 hours, it was really tough to get a vein up enough to put a needle in. So there was a lot of trial and error involved, and I hate needles. I was so exhausted by then, and emoptionally worn out that everything felt like it was putting me over the edge.

One thing that reassured me was meeting the anesthesiologist. He knew I was very scared, and his demeanor was very calm and I felt much better after he explained everything to me. However, once I was in the OR waiting to have the spinal done, it was a different anesthesiologist who came to do the spinal (I think since it was just after 5pm, the original doctor's shift was over). I had met him for a brief moment at the end of my conversation with the original anes. I hadn't liked him in that brief moment then and I still didn't. He was younger, seemed impatient to just get things done, and had zero bedside manner. I was shaking, terrified, holding onto Kerry and crying. Then, he couldn't place the spinal. "Electrical" pain shot down my leg twice. Kerry reassured me that it was just nerves being hit briefly, and it would be over soon. The doc leaned over my shoulder and asked if I would be okay being asleep for the surgery. My response was "No!" I'm pretty sure, had I not had my eyes squeezed shut and my face buried in the pillow I was curled over, I would have seen Kerry glaring at him. He FINALLY placed the spinal, after about 15 minutes. It may not seem like a terribly long time, but believe me...it felt like years. Kerry told me later that the doctor said that what happened with me only happens for him maybe once a year. Of course. I don't think I could have handled that had Kerry not been standing with me, holding on to me. She got me through it.

After that, I can say that things went really well. The nurse who was monitoring my vitals drew me a picture of a beach and a margarita on the back of the screen they put up in front of me, and when he saw that I was wearing my scapular and commented on it, I felt immediately that things were going to be fine. He talked to me very calmly and softly throughout, and I felt very calm then. George was on my right, holding my hand, and my mom was watching the surgery. It was mere minutes until I heard her cry. She cried right away, and I looked over at George and he was crying, too. I could hear the nurses saying how pink she was. My mom said she came out with her arms up by her head, and to his day, I honestly feel that was what kept her from descending into the birth canal. I was so grateful that it was own OB who did the surgery. I trusted him, and I knew he would do a good job. Another thing that turned out well was that he was able to remove my ovarian cyst (it turned out to be bigger than the ultrasound had indicated...about the size of a racquetball), and I didn't have to plan on another surgery.

So, I guess that's the story. When I look back on it, the tough part was the emotional toll the whole labor took. It was so disappointing at the time, and I was so tired. But I was surprised at my own strength through the physical part of labor. I had always considered myself a bit of a weenie when it came to pain. ;) I mean it in the humblest way possible, and with a sense of awe that God created women for such an awesome purpose, and provides us with strength we are unaware of.
I'm so grateful that He brought my little family through it all safely, and I know I feel stronger for having gone through it.

Life As We Know It

Things seem to have slowed down to a much calmer pace these last weeks. After the busy (and exahausted) weeks following Amy's birth, followed shortly by the flurry of her baptism weekend, we have settled now into a happy rhythm of the everyday.

This is the face I get to wake up to every day, and I am reminded of just how lucky I am to be able to stay home with this precious girl. She is so much fun as she is starting to develop her little personality (I'm afraid she veers slightly toward the realm of Drama Queen...haha). But thankfully I know how to deal with that! :)

She is no longer interested in being a baby, much to Daddy's dismay. The other day he was lamenting the loss of his little snuggle-bug who would simply curl up on his chest and drift off into sleep. Not only is she just too big for that anymore, she just has Too Much To See And Do to be so still!

She's also in a Mommy Phase. If Mommy is present, no one else should be holding Miss Amy (even Daddy)...in her opinion. Otherwise, we run the risk of this:

Very sad indeed.

But she and Daddy are bonding some more, and he is the bathtime specialist these days. It's his time with her in her bedtime routine, and she is realizing more and more that her Daddy is super awesome and a pretty funny guy. :)

We're hoping to get a webcam in the next month or two and start Skype-ing with my family in SC...I am hoping it will help her recognize everyone as well as hear their voices.

Christmas seems right around the corner all of a sudden, and we'll be heading up to South Bend to join in the Mullally Christmas this year. I am so excited for Amy to meet my own aunts, uncles, and cousins! My family will be driving up there as well, so Amy will get to spend some time with them too! I think they'll be amazed at how much she's changed since they last saw her in September!



She is Miss Mobility these days too...she's rolling from front to back and pushing her feet into the floor to scoot around on her back. She is grabbing toys with her hands AND her feet, and is "talking" up a storm. She keeps us in line. :)

I also got some pretty hearty laughs just this morning. It just keeps reminding me of how grateful I am that I'm here to experience all these little milestones.